Women’s friendship in times of war and peace

“Alyona, Alla, Iryna and I met in Romania and this is something we will never forget!” (Olena Illenko)

The brightest constellation of support is that of friendship, and friendship between women brings forth energies that can crush mountains, save inner worlds and prevail over loneliness and monstrous fears. There are few things that a group of women bound for life by their friendship won’t accomplish. For example, they can’t stop wars. But they can bring light where there is darkness, and that is a gift every woman brings into the magical circle of sisterhood.

Such a constellation of friendship has come to be in the Bucharest refuge, and we had the privilege of witnessing it. Alla, Alyona, Iryna and Olena, all Ukrainians, revealed how the alchemy happened in a collage coordinated by Irina Cangeopol – artist, art teacher and expert in visual arts cultural education.

They contributed to this visual experiment by sharing photos from their phones, intimate and faithful witnesses of their last year of refuge from war. Their friendship manages to erase even the echoes of their drama from the images. It may look like a family album, filled with laughs and hugs. In reality it is a display of strength. The strength of friendship between women who build circles of light to protect their children and souls from the shadows of war.

We have added to the photo archive we received from their phones what we thought would best illustrate their life stories: images of pre-war Kiev, the cover of The Little Prince in Ukrainian, the book Alyona was reading to her son Ivan on the last night of peace, several photos of the Snagov Olympic Sports Complex, the place in Bucharest where the four friends meet frequently to engage in various sports and socialise with Ukrainian refugee children.

Alla and Alyona and their children share an apartment. As a joke, Alyona calls Alla “my husband from Romania”.  They have been friends for 7 years now, and having each other from the very first days of their flight made it easier for them to overcome language barriers and other hardships that awaited them in a foreign country. This core drew in the other girls like a magnet, and a lifelong friendship was born in Bucharest.

When Iryna (a yoga instructor and psychotherapist) came to the sports centre in Snagov for stretching classes and a photo shoot for the professional integration of refugees, Alyona knew right away that help was needed and saw such warmth and genuineness in Iryna’s eyes that she immediately opened her heart.

They met Olena over a year ago, when Alyona was getting ready to travel to Ukraine with a parcel for her family back home, and Olena had come with her dog to send a parcel to Kiev. She had a graceful gait and the bearing of an actress. Finally, she thanked them and said maybe they would work together. Barely a month later, when Alyona started her job at the Snagov Olympic Complex, her boss gave her a note with the phone number of the fitness instructor she would be working with. It was Olena’s number. And yes, she is an actress. She has acted in many films in Ukraine.

They have been inseparable ever since. And their friendship stories are nothing short of declarations of love, butterflies in the stomach and all.

“For me, friendship shows in seemingly minor, domestic situations, not in grand statements, although I can wholeheartedly say I love the girls. But I would like to tell you a story that has filled my heart to the brim forever. Since we’ve met, we are spending a huge amount of time together. We work together, we take meals together, we raise our children together, we laugh together, we cry together. We basically do everything together. And we talk. A lot. About anything. We tell each other everything.

 

One evening when we were swimming in homesickness, I tearfully told them about a little tradition I used to have with my friends back home. Whenever one of us would go away, the rest of us would get together and set up a lovely welcome-back dinner at her place. But without us. She would just find dinner set out on the table along with a fresh bouquet of flowers and a love note. It is extraordinary, when you get home tired and buckling under the weight of luggage, to have this surprise waiting for you on the table. That was our tradition. And I was very excited to share these memories with the girls. A few months later, upon my return to Bucharest after a short trip to Kiev, I found dinner on the table. That is what friendship means to me.” (Alla Denisova-Put)

“I truly believe that when we send our intentions out into the Universe, better things happen than what we have asked for. After a long depression when I was alone with my 14-year-old son in Bucharest, I woke up one morning wishing with all my heart to have a group of friends where I could laugh, where we could understand each other without any words spoken and complete each other’s sentences. I opened the Telegram app and two days later I was taking a walk with my son in the Snagov forest. Alla and Aliona put together this trip, and Olena was giving a stretching course. A month later, when we had already become friends, I confessed to the girls that I had dreamt about them before we even met.

When I first heard Olena’s voice on the phone, I felt at home. The timbre of her voice enveloped me with such peace… And seeing her took my breath away. I knew right there and then we would be friends. The connection was there from the first moment. I saw my own pain in her eyes, but I also recognized the strength and craving to create, to make something happen. I was impressed by her grace and magnetic femininity and wanted to take a picture of her and show her the way I see her.  For a long time, she wouldn’t have it. I think she knew she couldn’t hide the pain in her eyes behind a deceptive smile in a photograph. But I still found the right time and the words to convince her! And it was a little bliss to watch Olena look at herself and recognize herself. He liked herself, the one in the picture. She was wearing a real smile again and she was beautiful.”

(Iryna Bilous)

“I first met Olena at a stretching class held by the Olympic Snagov for new moms. Her calm and poise made an impression on me. She spoke to us with such eagerness that I instantly fell in love with her talent and passion for working with the body.” (Alla Denisova-Put).

“Dear Alla, I never thought you would be my sister! I remember perfectly when a friend gave me your phone number. She had you as the “Elf Queen” in her address book. I can’t stand the pathetic and excessive self-love. I didn’t give our encounter any chances, but when I saw you, it was love at first sight. After 30 minutes of talking, I felt butterflies in my stomach.” (Aliona Lazareva).

“My son, who is 14, saw me undergo a change when I met the girls. I stopped crying, sitting impassively hidden in my room, I was wearing a smile and was beside myself with joy every time we were going to meet. I think he was so impressed with the change that he opened up to the girls’ children as well. He followed my example and, even though he is older, he made friends with the younger ones and now we really are like a family. And that includes taking turns inviting everyone over for an evening get-together, delicious Ukrainian dinners, walks in the park and sports, birthday parties.

I don’t feel vulnerable at all anymore and I feel safe to say that the girls are my family!”

(Iryna Bilous)

Editor: Ioana Călinescu